Building Self-Worth in Our Kids: Why It Matters (and Why You Matter Too)

by Noelle Rizzio, LCPC, PEL

I wanted to write this blog today because my son came home from school and wanted to talk with me about a bullying issue his friend was having at school. As my son told me the story, his eyes welled up with tears because his heart is so big and he cares so much about others’ feelings. He knew all the right things to do for his friend. It was a proud mom moment for me but it really made me think about how important it is for us to help our kids know that they have worth - regardless of what other’s say or do. Their worth is not dependent upon other people’s opinions. I hope you find this post helpful!

Parenting is a wild ride, full of joys, “uh-ohs,” and the everyday magic of watching little humans become big humans. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is self-worth, the sense that they are valuable, capable, and loved just because they are.

In this post I’ll cover:

1. Why kids’ self-worth is important.

2. Why your self-worth matters in this journey.

3. Practical tips & strategies for moms to build self-worth in their children (and themselves).

4. References and resources for further reading.

Why kids’ self-worth is important

When we talk about self-worth (or related terms like self-esteem, self-concept), we mean how much a child believes they matter, are competent, are worthy of love and respect. Research shows:

• A safe, warm, supportive family environment is linked with higher self-esteem in children and adolescents. In one longitudinal study of 674 Mexican-origin families, several family environment variables (like parental warmth, involvement) had effects on children’s self-esteem between ages 10-16. PMC

• Self-esteem begins early. According to one source, self-esteem can start when a baby receives positive attention and loving care. KidsHealth

• Healthy self-esteem supports psychological stability and positive social activity; conversely, low self-esteem is associated with a range of problems. PMC

• Self-esteem isn’t just “feeling good about yourself” but equips kids to try new things, handle setbacks, and engage socially. As one piece puts it:

  “When children try new things, face challenges and bounce back, they learn and grow. This is why self-esteem can be an important part of child development.” Raising Children Network

In short: if our kids believe in their worth, they’re more likely to engage, explore, learn, connect, recover from challenge—and grow resiliently.

Why your self-worth matters in this process

Here’s the plot twist: building self-worth in kids doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Your own sense of worth, confidence, emotional health and model of self-treatment play a big role. A few angles:

• Your internal narrative about worth affects how you parent. If you (as a mom) struggle with your sense of worth or tie your value only to your child’s achievements, that can influence the messages you send (even unconsciously). For example, a recent study looked at mothers’ child-based self-worth (i.e., how much mothers’ self-evaluation depends on their children’s successes) and how this influences parenting practices. SAGE Journals

• The behaviors and emotional atmosphere you model matter. Kids are sensitive to how we respond to failure, how we talk about ourselves, whether we feel capable. Modeling self-compassion, resilience, authenticity gives them a template for their own self-worth building.

• Also: when you are emotionally healthy and grounded in your own worth, you’re in a better position to support your child rather than being depleted or wrapped up in them (which can inadvertently convey: your value depends on me).

• Note: On the flip side, parenting behaviors like high psychological control (overly controlling, pressuring the child to perform, etc) are linked to lower child self-esteem over time. BioMed Central

So yes - your self‐care, your inner work, your own story about worth matters. That doesn’t mean you have to have it all figured out - but being aware is a strong start.

Tips & strategies for moms: building self-worth in kids (and yourself)

Here are some practical, easy-to-use ideas. You can pick and choose what’s feasible in your weekly routine, home environment, child’s age and temperament.

For your kids:

1. Show unconditional love & belonging
   Let your child know they matter simply because they are. For example: “I love you just because you are you,” not just “because you got an A.” KidsHealth emphasizes that children’s self-esteem grows when they feel safe, loved and accepted.

2. Celebrate effort and growth, not just success
   Praise the process: “I’m proud of how hard you tried,” “You kept going even when it got tough.” This helps kids internalize the message that their worth isn’t only tied to the outcome. Nationwide Children's Hospital

3. Give them meaningful choices & responsibilities
   When children have age-appropriate choices (e.g., “Would you like carrots or broccoli?” “Would you like to set the table or pick the book tonight?”), they feel agency, autonomy, which builds self-worth. NC State Extension

4. Allow for mistakes & teach resilience
   Instead of over‐protecting or stepping in to fix everything, allow your child to try, fail, and learn. One list of “12 tips for raising confident kids” from Child Mind Institute suggests letting kids know it’s okay to be imperfect.

5. Listen & validate feelings
   When your child is upset, anxious, disappointed, ask, “How are you feeling?” “What happened?” “What could we try next time?” This shows that their emotions matter and help them build self-awareness.

6. Model healthy self-talk & value beyond performance
   Show your child how you handle your own mistakes, setbacks, or self-doubt. Use your voice: “I didn’t get that done like I hoped, but I’m proud I asked for help.” Emphasize identity beyond achievement.

7. Monitor the environment and your responses
   Avoid constant comparisons (“Why can’t you be like your sister?”) or overly critical comments. One blog notes that unintentional damages to a child’s self-esteem include over-protection, not allowing decisions, comparing siblings/peers, being too critical. The Impactful Parent+1

For you (mom):

• Carve out your self-worth anchor: What do you believe gives you value (beyond your roles)? Write it down.

• Practice self-compassion. When you mess up (and you will) say something like: “I’m human. I did my best. Tomorrow I’ll try again.”

• Recognize your inner critic. Is it tying your worth to your child’s performance? Try to separate “my child did well” from “I am worthy because of my child.”

• Model boundary-setting and healthy behaviors: when you rest, recharge, say “no,” you’re showing your child you believe you’re worth caring for—and so are they.

• Connect with community or supports: fellow moms, mentors, a counselor, workshops. You don’t have to do this alone.

Why this matters for your home, your family, your future

When self-worth is nurtured in kids, the ripple effects are big: better ability to engage in school, stronger social relationships, healthier emotional regulation. For you as a mom, the benefits are two-fold: you get the joy of seeing your child flourish and you build a healthier relationship with your own self‐worth and sense of parenting.

Create a home environment where “You matter because you are you” is louder than “You matter because you performed or achieved.” This helps build resilience: when life gets messy (friends, school, body image, social media), your child has an internal foundation to return to.

Closing thoughts

Moms ~ you’re doing amazing work. Building self-worth in kids is one of the most generous gifts you can give. It takes time, patience and a willingness to show up imperfectly (which, by the way, is perfect). Remember: your own sense of worth is part of the journey, not separate from it. When you believe you matter, your child learns they matter. When you allow yourself to be human, they learn being human is enough.

Let’s raise kids who know they are worthy. And in doing so, let’s raise ourselves a little too.

References & Resources

• Child Mind Institute. (2025). 12 Tips for Raising Confident Kids. Child Mind Institute

• National Institute of Health / PMC. “Family environment and self-esteem development: A longitudinal study.” PMC

• North Carolina State Extension Publications. “Self-Esteem in Children.” NC State Extension

• Raising Children Network. “Self-esteem in children 1-8 years.” Raising Children Network

• KVC blog. “Building Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: How Parents and Caregivers Make a Difference.” KVC Health Systems

• Tang, Y. et al. (2024). “Parental psychological control and children’s self-esteem.” BioMed Central

• Other educational articles: “Your Child’s Self-Esteem (for Parents)” (Nemours KidsHealth) KidsHealth