Butt Acne and Other Things Women Don’t Talk About

By Noelle Rizzio, PEL, LCPC

Why Our Silent Worries Chip Away at Self-Worth — and How to Take It Back

Let’s be honest: women carry entire universes of unspoken worries inside their heads.

Stretch marks. Friendship doubts. Why your left boob is bigger than your right. Whether anyone else’s laundry pile feels like a personal attack. And yes… butt acne. (Congratulations — you’ve now thought about it twice today.)

We worry about so many things we never say out loud. And because we don’t talk about them, we start to believe we’re the only ones dealing with them. That quiet shame? It’s one of the fastest ways our self-worth gets bruised — often more tenderly than our actual butts.

So let’s normalize the things we don’t talk about, peel back the layer of secrecy, and explore how opening up (even just a little) can dramatically strengthen confidence, connection, and resilience.

The Silent Worry Problem: Why We Stress in Secret

Women are socialized to be polished, pleasant, and put-together. Which is hilarious, considering that being a human woman often feels like living inside a slapstick comedy routine.

But because we’re taught to keep up appearances, we hide things — especially the “unpretty” things.

Silent worries tend to fall into three big categories:

1. Body Stuff

Like:

• Butt acne (yes, it’s common)

• Hair in places we “shouldn’t” have hair

• The “one breast that’s living its own life”

• Bloating that makes you look 12 weeks pregnant after a single tortilla chip

2. Emotional Stuff

Like:

• Feeling overwhelmed and not wanting to admit it

• Being touched out but afraid people will think you’re “cold”

• Friendships feeling complicated but not knowing what to say

3. Competency Stuff

Like:

• Feeling behind

• Not knowing how to “do the thing” everyone else seems to know

• Wondering if you’re messing up your kids/pets/houseplants

These worries pile up quietly. But the silence? That’s what causes the damage.

How Silent Worries Sneak Into Our Self-Worth

When we think we’re alone in something — whether it’s emotional or dermatological — shame grows.

Research consistently shows that the “I’m the only one” belief increases anxiety, reduces self-esteem, and contributes to feelings of inadequacy (Brown, 2018). Shame thrives in secrecy; it grows when we hide and shrinks when we connect.

This is why women who experience high levels of secrecy around normal challenges often report lower self-worth and greater self-criticism (Tangney & Dearing, 2002).

Think about it:
If you believe you’re the only woman who gets butt acne?
The problem doesn’t stay on your butt.
It ends up infecting your confidence.

Why Talking About It Actually Helps

Connection is one of the strongest predictors of self-worth. Women with strong social ties and open friendships have higher self-esteem, greater resilience, and better mental health (Taylor et al., 2000).

Why? Because when we talk — even casually — about our worries, we:

• Reduce shame

• Build belonging

• Normalize imperfection

• Strengthen our sense of “I’m enough”

• Feel braver and more supported

Think of it this way:
Your unspoken worry might be another woman’s sigh of relief.

The Power of a Strong Social Network (Even a Small One)

One well-chosen friend you can text, “Does your butt get weird bumps sometimes?” is worth ten acquaintances you only see when you’re wearing mascara and pretending life is adorable.

Strong social networks don’t require huge groups — they require safe groups.

Women experience higher levels of oxytocin and stress relief in supportive female friendships compared to other relationship types (Taylor et al., 2000). This means the simple act of talking — honestly — is biologically soothing and protecting.

How to Start Talking About the Stuff You’ve Been Hiding

No, you don’t have to lead with, “Hey, can we talk about body breakouts?” (Unless you want to. In which case: amazing.)

Here are easier ways to start opening up:

1. Share Something Small

“I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately — does that ever happen to you?”

2. Use Humor

“I’m convinced my body is currently in its experimental phase.”

Humor reduces defensiveness and builds safety.

3. Start With Someone You Already Trust

Choose the friend who has seen you cry, laugh-snort, or mispronounce ‘charcuterie.’

4. Don’t Apologize for Needing Support

Your feelings aren’t an inconvenience. They’re human.

5. Remember This Magic Sentence

“You too?! I thought it was just me!”

You will hear it more than you expect.

Cultivating Self-Worth by Breaking the Silence

Your self-worth doesn’t grow from being flawless.
It grows from being real — with yourself, and with a community that welcomes the real you.

Here’s what that looks like:

• Name the worry instead of stuffing it

• Reach out instead of isolating

• Laugh when you can (it’s therapy for free)

• Build a circle of women who talk about the things society tells them not to

• Stop believing the lie that you’re alone

Because you’re not. None of us are.

Not with our fears, not with our insecurities, and definitely not with our butt acne.

Final Word

The things women don’t talk about are the very things that make us human, lovable, and deeply connected to one another. By bringing them into the light — with humor, honesty, and a supportive social circle — we strengthen not only our confidence but also our sense of belonging.

And THAT is what self-worth is built on:
Truth, connection, and the courage to say,
“Actually… this weird thing is happening. Does anyone else . . . ?”

Spoiler:
Yes. Absolutely yes.

References

• Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead / shame resilience theory.

• Tangney, J. P., & Dearing, R. (2002). Shame and Guilt.

• Taylor, S. E., et al. (2000). Biobehavioral responses to stress and female friendship (“tend and befriend” model).